I dreamed that I was over at a little get-together at Sarah’s (but I think it was set in our Bloomington house, only in Berkeley) and David was there. He was finishing up his degree and explained that since he was working at the same time, it would take four and a half years. It was nice; I sat right by him and we kind of cuddled, we talked about our lives and what was going on with us, and I guess the overwhelming thing was this sense of nostalgic closeness, this feeling that because of what we’d shared, we would always be close, we would always care for one another. He said, “I love you,” and I said, “I love you too,” and we meant it not in a romantic sense, as lovers, but simply as people who loved each other, who mattered to each other. Then the door opened and a bunch of people came up the stairs. Sarah, a woman named Kirsten with black hair who in my dream I had known since childhood, Rahul, and some other people. I went over to say hi to Kirsten and when I looked around again, David was gone. I ran downstairs to try and find him so I could say goodbye, and looked around the green meadows of the Berkeley campus, towards the BART station. I didn’t see him anywhere. I had wanted to say goodbye.
I woke up and thought about how nice it was that we had that; and then I remembered it was just a dream, and thought of the strangely awkward breakfast we’d had together (I forget where, I want to say on Bancroft) and realizing I was seeing his public face instead of his private one, that I might never see his private one again. It was a sad memory.
Tags: berkeley, bloomington, david, ex-boyfriend, kirsten, nostalgia, rahul, sarah
